Sunday, April 5, 2009

Mortified Much?



Very, very much to be honest, so much so, that my self esteem has taken a battering and a half.

I got motivated today and decided that even though Michael wasn’t training, I would still pull my socks up and head over for a work out. All good, I hear you say.
So why am I mortified?

Because I was asked to stop using a piece of gym equipment because I was too heavy for it and it might break.

Shall I give you a moment to pick your jaws up off the floor?

I had decided to do a bit of a cardio circuit and burn some serious calories and thought it was about time I tackled the elliptical cross trainer. So there I was, ipod blaring, burning some serious calories, sweating buckets and the gym employee taps me on the shoulder and tells me I need to get off the equipment because I was too fat and I might break it. And to add insult to injury, he tells me that I need to be 50 kilos or under before I can use it.

The rest of the cardio equipment was okay for me to use, but this one wasn’t. So I left. I was mortified. I felt my eyes well up with tears and my face turn red and my self esteem sink thru the floor. Yayyyyy me. What a lucky girl I am.

I cried most of the way home, but now? Now my self esteem has returned and I am as mad as hell. I like to pride myself on accepting people for who and what they are. I have friends that are thin, fat, tall and short. I have friends that aren’t even into fitness even though the majority are, but I would never judge the one’s who weren’t just because I am.

Now there are no instructors in this gym. The staff just wander in and out of the gym every now and then and they go back out to the desk and watch tv. It’s one of the gyms where people are just left to their own devices.

Well I wish to fuck I had of been left alone.

Too fat?

Excuse fucking me. I am sure that I am not the only bigger person whose ass has been on that machine and they hadn’t broken it. So why would I?

It amazed me. Totally amazed me and I can’t believe that I just let him say that to me and then I slunk away like a coward. I don’t know who I am more angry with. Him or myself. I am ashamed of myself for running away like a scared little rabbit. But I am angry that he said that to me.

I haven’t decided what to do about it yet. Whether I mention it to the manager or just let it go. If I do mention it to management, is it really going to make a difference. I am sure they have more than enough business coming thru the doors that they wouldn’t miss two people if we left.

I’ve always been dubious about going to new gyms. I don’t like the prying eyes and the way some people look at you and it was something I had never experienced at this place. And today it wasn’t from another gym goer but some one who is employed to be nice to the people who frequent the place.

I’m hurt, disappointed and frustrated. Add to that the fact my weight is not budding due to my medication I am about ready to throw in the towel.

But I wont.

I’m going back to the gym in the morning and I am going to get back on that cross trainer and if he says anything to me then I pity him.

Cos hell hath no fury like an LJ scorned.
Posted by Lisa Jane :: 8:55 PM :: 5 Comments:

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