Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm



I suppose the title of this post pretty much says it all, and if you were unsure, then the graphic probably would have cleared it up for you. I'm so tired that it's beyond funny. It is 3.02am on Wednesday morning and I am blogging. Why? Because I've just gotten home from work and I am far to wired up to sleep.

I got home this morning at 2am, only to get a phone call from the scatterbrain who is staying at work, telling me that she set the alarm off and could I come back and turn it off. Can I say fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. Hmm I think I just did. So back IN the car I get, drive all the way BACK to work, unlock the place and turn off the alarm. How did the alarm go off? She opened the door to go out for a smoke. Christ on crutches I could throttle people when they tell me stuff like that and the last words I said to them were DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR OR THE ALARM WILL GO OFF.

Anyhow, I digress, so let's get back on track.

Things are going okay in the land of LJ. I am, as I said, very tired. I am feeling rather foggy at the moment due to the meds I am on. I am mixing two together at the moment and although they don't increase my appetite, they do effect my mental alertness. I do things like forget to post the letters in my hand when I am in front of the letter box. I go off into vague land when I am supposed to be cooking something and then wonder how it burnt. And the best one's are the fact that I am seeing spots before my eyes and my sex drive is out the window. And that sucks the worst.

I've spoken to my doctor about it and it's only another two weeks before the original medication he started me on will be working well enough that I can drop the second. And then the fuzzy vague feeling will go away. It's affecting everything I do, right down to my training. It's very hard to lie flat on a bench and hold a loaded bar above your head when the room is spinning. Thank god for Michael always being there to spot me. Now if only he could fix the bi-polar and then I wouldn't need antipsychotics anymore.

I had an arguement with someone the other day about my medications. Apparently anti-psychotics are for people with a mental illness and bi-polar isn't a mental illness. Last time I checked it was. The question then asked of me then, was do I really think it is severe enough to warrant medication or do I make it seem worse than it is to get good drugs from the doctor.

Sure, I LOVE the side effects. Between the no appetite, no sex drive, spots before my eyes, constant headaches, tiredness, falling asleep in the middle of the day and so on and so forth, it makes me wonder what goes on in peoples heads and it seriously tells me that the fact that I don't disclose my illness to everyone, was the right decision.

I have shared it recently in a post on the forum and I share it with those closest to me like my children, my family and Michael. But other than that I pick the people I tell carefully, because I refuse to have it used against me anymore and if people can't handle it? Then stiff shit for them.

We trained today. Yaaay us! We smashed chest and bi's and I went heavier again in some exercises, but found I was lacking in others. I am not to concerned about it, because I know that everyone has an off few days. I know this for a fact, because my beloved husband was in the same boat last week. Today is tighten the belt day. Time to suck it up and stop making excuses. I want to blitz it for the new two weeks and really make it work for me, that means cardio twice a day with no excuses and training four days a week. It's not my training that is lacking, its my committment to the cardio and I know I have to find a way to learn to love it. I know I just have to suck it up and make it part of my daily routine.

Food has been all over the place but it can't have been to bad as the scales are showing a one kilo drop yet again. So slow and steady and when I get up in the morning it won't be crumpets I have for breakfast but oats. I love my oats and I am glad I am having them again.

I have a full day today and while I am having breakfast, I will be preparing my food for the day to take with me, so that I have no excuses to eat off plan. Seeing as I got a bit of a bonus in my pay this week, I will be going out to by a cooler bag to lug my food around in. So if any of you lovelies out there in blogland have suggestions of what type to buy and where I can get one from, please, just shout.

On that note, I am going to take my now tired butt to bed and snuggle my husband. I have to be up in five hours and its going to pass very quickly.

Night shift sucks.

xoxox
Posted by Lisa Jane :: 12:58 AM :: 1 Comments:

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